Back on the Bandwagon: Frannie's Second First Date

Last night I had my Second First Date.

I met "D" on the dating website. My whole life I've been a very trusting person, believing what someone told me until I had a reason to no longer believe. Now with everything I've been through recently, I've become a bit of a skeptic. So "D" claims to have 2 houses, 3 motorcycles, 2 cars and a boat… I have to wonder what such a successful guy needs with a dating website, but whatever! I'll look at this as a chance to get out of the house and have a meal with (hopefully) some interesting conversation.

I broke several of my "first date" rules this time, starting with the venue. I know I said I would always have my first date in my "safe place," my friend's bar. I broke that rule because I mentioned in my last post, "D" had already scored some points with me and I felt meeting him halfway (geographically) would be the least I could do. Besides, I had been in communication with him for (what seems like) and exorbitantly long time and I felt I could trust him.

"D" suggested a few restaurants that were about equidistant for both of us and we eventually agreed upon a small Italian place that has apparently been open for close to 100 years. I had to GPS my way there but I found it without too much problem… until I got there. The parking lot was empty and the building was dark. I tried the door anyway - locked. No sign on the door stating their hours. I even took a few steps backward to check the sign above the door. Yep! I had the right place! Uh oh… What's going on? This wasn't the most dangerous part of the city, but I didn't really know exactly where I was, and it didn't seem to be very populated. I began to get nervous. Was this a set up? Should I have invested in some pepper spray or mace???

I got out my phone and called "D." "Did you check to make sure they're open tonight?"

"Yes, they're open every night except Tuesdays."

"Well, they're not open tonight."

"Really? Well, I'm only a few minutes away. I'll be right there."

"Okay, I'll be in my car."

We had not been having the greatest weather for the past 24 hours. And the weather at the time was not exactly conducive to standing outside a closed restaurant, so I went back to wait in my car. And I waited… and waited… and waited…

Okay - it was probably only about 8 minutes, but still! This was not going well.

Finally, my phone rang. "Where are you?" I asked.

"In the parking lot."

"I'm in the parking lot!"

"Are you sure you're at the right place?"

"Big white building? On G***** Street?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Maybe we're on opposite sides of the building?"

"Hang on - I'm walking around the building."

Then he appeared around the corner. We walked back up to the front together and guess what… the door was still locked! We decided the restaurant must have closed because of the weather and we should find someplace else to dine. Seeing as this was more "his town," than mine, I let him choose an Irish Pub and followed him there. Thankfully, it was in a part of town I was much more familiar with.

The rest of the night went fairly smoothly. The restaurant was almost completely deserted so we had the place to ourselves. The food was good, the conversation flowed. A couple of things caught my attention…

More than once, he mentioned money in one form or another. Now again, if I choose to believe everything he says, he is better than well-to-do. He makes a LOT of money. You wouldn't know it just by looking at him though. But at one point during the conversation he tried to get me to guess how much he'd paid for his NFL season tickets. I told him not only could I not venture a guess, but I wouldn't want to know. Another time I was joking with him that he should have been a lawyer (based on some philosophy of his on arguing a point). He told me he wouldn't have been a lawyer because they don't make as much money as he does.  Now, don't get me wrong, I like money. But anyone who knows me knows it's not the most important thing in my life. I make enough to get by and occasionally buy myself something I want. But I don't like discussing money and I had to wonder why he kept bringing it up. Was he trying to impress me? Is this just natural conversation for him?

The other thing, and this was more endearing than annoying, is how he told me how he worked on his appearance before our date. Apparently, he hadn't cut his hair in about 6 months and he'd let his beard get very scraggly. He looked very presentable for our date. He'd spent part of the day cleaning himself up. I thought that was sweet, but again - why point it out to me? Was he just nervous? I doubt I could make anyone nervous. Is he just trying too hard?

The waitress caught on that it was a first date. (She asked me about it when he excused himself to the restroom.) So she let us stay way beyond paying the check (which he took care of without question). Again, the restaurant was deserted so it's not like they needed the table. When they were finally getting ready to close, he walked me to my car. And… this is where I broke another "first date rule." I let him kiss me goodnight. Actually, I wasn't even expecting it, but he moved in and… well… 

He waited for me to leave first - very gentlemanly. I emailed him when I got home, thanking him for the evening. I haven't heard back yet but I am hopeful. I imagine a second date with "D" will go much better than my last second date!

Frannie's Back

Sorry I've been away for so long. Frannie got a bit sidetracked. Happens to the best of us, right?  Right???  Let me explain…

I allowed that silver-tongued manipulative ex-boyfriend of mine to cry his way back into my life. "Breaking up with you was a mistake." "I love you so much!" "Please don't leave me…" You get the idea. That lasted for a whole week. At the end of that week is when he screwed up for the last time. You see, it turns out he had been two-timing me the entire time we had been together and he was still doing it. Seven days after convincing me to try again with him, his "other girlfriend" and I crossed paths. The whole thing blew up in his face and now he has lost both of us.

I know that's not what this blog is about, but there is a reason I've shared this information. I have a First Date tonight and I wanted to provide some background before I blog about it.

I had been talking to this guy, "D," on the dating website for weeks. Normally, if weeks have gone by and the guy hasn't asked me out on a real date yet, I'd write him off. But he was out of town for most of the time we'd been talking. (At least, that's what he claims. Despite my recent history, I'm still of the mind to trust a stranger until he gives me a reason not to.) So he couldn't very well take me out on a date when he was over 100 miles away.

Before he came back to town is when I started talking to my ex again. As a sign of good faith in trying to rekindle our relationship, I made the decision to delete my online dating profile. My last action before I did so was to send one last message to "D" explaining why I was deleting my profile and I provided my personal email address in case he wanted to stay in touch "as friends." In other words, I blew this guy off for my ex before he even had a chance to meet me.

Well, he did email me and wished me luck. That was nice of him. Only two days later was I replying back telling him how it didn't take long for my ex to remind me exactly why he was my EX and did "D" want to go out on a date? To my complete shock and surprise, he said yes! I mean, here's me… blowing him off for an ex-boyfriend then basically coming back begging for another chance and… he gave it to me???

So tonight is the big First Date with "D" who already has points in my book. Second chances are hard to come by these days. Stay tuned to see how it goes!

First SECOND Date?

So I had been hoping to go out on a few more FIRST dates before posting about any second dates, but it just didn't work out that way.

Instead, I had my first SECOND date. I know what you're thinking… based on the first date I had with this guy ("W") I shouldn't have even agreed to a second. But I'm a big believer in second chances. And it wasn't like he murdered anyone or anything. So when "W" asked me to go bowling, I agreed.

He was polite enough to give me the choice of bowling in my town or in his town. At the end of our first date, I had told him I was willing to drive to his area for our second date. But seeing as he was giving me the choice, I chose my town. I know the manager of the bowling alley, and knew he'd be working that night. Safety net.

Well, the date got off to a bad start before it even began… I received a text message about an hour before we were supposed to meet. He asked me if I would mind pushing the date back by an hour. I wasn't thrilled. I gave him a disinterested attitude and told him, "I guess." I asked if everything was okay. He said he was stuck in traffic and getting home later than he expected.  Well I decided turnabout is fair play so I left the house 20 minutes late. Kept him waiting a bit for me. And he did… wait for me. 

The bowling alley has special events on the weekends, so the games are all prepay. We decided on 3 games (plus my rental shoes), and it came to $16. There seemed to be some hesitation on his part before getting out his wallet (attached to his belt loop by a chain). SERIOUSLY??? But he did pay for the games (eventually).

The night started off kind of slow and awkward. For one thing, as we were walking down to our lane, I ran into a friend of mine. Now I'm not in the habit of spending time on my dates talking to other people, but this was a very dear friend who I hadn't seen in a long time because she'd been laid up by surgery. As we were hugging, "hello," "W" kept right on walking down to the lane. Maybe he thought it was rude I stopped to say hi, but wasn't it rude of him not to stop with me so I could introduce him???

I'm not a very good bowler, but I have fun at it. I know what you're all wondering… did he take off his jacket this time?  Yes! He did. He was just wearing a t-shirt underneath. No big secret.

Eventually, we started getting into it and having fun. I even bought us a couple of beers (my idea so my treat). Then… tragedy struck! Halfway through the third game, he tore the cuticle open on his thumb. It was bleeding. (He felt it necessary to show me the blood. SERIOUSLY???) I got him a bandaid, but now he couldn't put his thumb in the ball. Game over.

So I put the balls away and returned the shoes. "W" asks me, "So are you just going home now?" Not, "Would you like to get a drink?" Not, "Would you like to get a bite to eat?" Just, "Are you going home now?" Well if you're going to ask me like that, then Yeah! I'm going home now (as far as your concerned. In reality, I met a friend at a bar for another beer and some wings.) He said something to the effect of, "we should do this more often." I agreed but…

I think that's it for "W." There's obviously no chemistry happening. And as little else as I have going on at the moment, I think I'm better off staying home with my cat that risking another disastrous date with "W."

What do you think???

1st First Date

I have decided on one spot to bring my first dates. It is a bar that is owned by a friend - it is my "safe place." (Can't be too careful these days.) It's a very nice establishment that has live music almost every night. It's not rowdy or crowded. There are always very nice people there. No TVs or games - just good beer, good food, and good music.

I went out and bought a "First Date Outfit." I'll probably wear it on all my first dates. (Why not?) A nice black skirt, a black satin tank with a red floral print, and a black cardigan (which I can lose in warmer weather). Hopefully this will bring me good luck.

So last night was my 1st First Date. The guy (we'll call him "W") is someone I met on the dating website I signed up for. He's my age, also never been married or have any kids. What first really attracted me to him was his communication skills. If you've never used a dating website before, it works like this:

A) You create a profile
B) You browse profiles of people you might be interested in
C) You contact someone you might be interested in (or they contact you)
D) You COMMUNICATE

The biggest problem I have on the site is communication. I'll usually try to write a nice introductory letter. I'll use the guy's profile to find things we have in common and point them out. I may comment on something(s) on their profile that interest me. From there it should be a back and forth. Each person should be asking questions of the other, and using more than one word to answer questions asked of them. The problem is that so many of the men I was back and forth with would send me a message consisting of only 1-3 sentences. For instance, I might ask, "What do you do for a living?" The answer I would get back might be, "I'm a mechanic." That's it. That was the whole message. No "And what do you do?" or "I've been tinkering with cars since I was a kid. My dad and I rebuilt a Model T and I love what I do." or any details whatsoever. So one rule I've adopted now is that I will not carry the entire conversation. If someone messages me with a short little answer to a question or two that I've asked and stops with that, I stop with the conversation altogether.

"W" has great communication skills. We started trading messages, and by the end of the day were up to 5-6 paragraphs per message. I was impressed! That adeptness of writing skills led to the first phone call. And again, he impressed me. He's smart! He used the word "homogenized" in a sentence (and he wasn't talking about milk). I have to admit, I'm not so great on the phone. Probably because I have to be on the phone all day at my job. But we had a decent first conversation. So naturally we decided to meet.

I got to the bar early intending to tell the owner (my friend) what the deal was (again - you can't be too safe these days). But "W" showed up before I got a chance to say anything. He'd left himself some extra time to find the place and found it more easily than he'd expected.

Good news! He's cuter in person than in his profile pics!  Hooray! (Not that that's terribly important. ha ha ha)

Having got there first, I'd already purchased myself my first beer. So he sat down at the bar and purchased his own beer. We didn't actually converse with each other at first because we were too busy with the very chatty bartender (sweet girl but she hadn't yet figured out that this was our first date). Eventually, more people arrived and we were left to our own devices.

Conversation came in spurts, but the alcohol helped. There were a few awkward silences, but aren't there always?

"W" finished his beer first and ordered another. I had about 3 sips of my beer left. HE DIDN'T OFFER TO BUY ME A BEER!!! First rule of dating guys - make sure the girl is taken care of! That did not pass unnoticed by me. But I'm a nice person and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. So I figured, "he's nervous. He forgot." I bought myself my own second beer. Chatty bartender noticed this and called him out on it. Probably embarrassed the hell out of him. He did end up buying my third beer, and some food too.

So here's something strange. When "W" arrived, he was wearing a leather motorcycle jacket. I'd come in with one too, but it was off and at my feet. His jacket was zipped up to the neck and that's how it stayed the whole night. Yes, it is wintertime, but it's been a fairly mild one in my area, and we were indoors! It wasn't cold inside the bar. What was he hiding???

A fantastic band started playing about an hour/hour-and-a-half into our date. The lead singer was obviously very heavily influenced by Janice Joplin. I loved her! I'm not so sure "W" was into it (his favorite band is Iron Maiden).

Finally sometime between 11 and 11:30 I told him I was tired and we decided to leave. He did walk me to my car (which was parked in the opposite direction from the bar as his). So he gets points for that. But I was parallel parked and as I went around to the driver side, he stayed on the sidewalk. No hug or handshake. I think he was super nervous. I thanked him for coming out and told him if he called me for a second date, I'd come down to his area.

Would I go out with him again? Yes, I think I would. I'll have to assume he was nervous and a second date might go better. But if we do go out again and the second date is the same as the first, I'll have to bid him adieu.

I made it through my 1st First Date! I'm looking forward to the next one!

Introduction

Welcome!

I am a single woman in my late 30s who has never been married, never had children, and have yet to find "the one" man I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with. I recently had my heart broken by a man who I thought might have been "the one," but we came to a bad end as he turned out to be controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. (Would you be surprised to learn he works in law enforcement?)

I'm not a huge believer in "you need time to get over him." I'd rather get up, dust myself off, and get on with my life. So I decided that I need to get out there and get dating asap! I don't live in an area that's very conducive to meeting people, so I have spread the word among my friends that I'm available for set ups, and put myself on a dating website (only one to start).

You know those scenes in Lifetime movies where they have the "montage" of the girl going on many first dates? Well I thought maybe I could recreate that in blog form. I've decided to blog about my dating adventures. Probably it won't be nearly as interesting as an LMN movie, but you never know what gems you may discover. It could be fun! So I hope you enjoy reading and following my blog. And let me know some of your own first date stories!